Hello, ladies and germs!
It's time once again to kick out the jams. The Clermont Lounge is hosting a rock n' roll throwdown on April Fools Day, with a lineup that must be seen to be believed.
First up is the reunion of Athens, GA's own Drunk and Furious, the world's most offensive band. These guys are some of our oldest friends. The only time I ever actually puked on someone's dog, it was at the lead singer's house. They haven't played a show in five years, but now that Johnny Swanson (banjo) is out of jail, they're trying to pick up where they left off. They just can't legally play within 500 yards of a church or school... making the Clermont the perfect location to stage their comeback.
Next, we have the best band in Atlanta that isn't us... The Vaginas! Hope this email makes it past your spam filter. We haven't played with these guys in a while, but if any of you remember the last time (unlikely!) you know you're in for a treat. With so many cops on furlough, we're hoping there won't be a repeat of the tear gas/taser incident. Did you know that "inciting a riot" is a crime?
Then, the final strike in this liver-punching combo, Attractive Eighties Women hit the stage! As you all know, we're the kind of music people listen to while making bad decisions... What better place to make bad decisions than the Clermont Lounge? If one of you doesn't leave this show with an STD (that you didn't have before you got there), then frankly, we're not doing our jobs. We'll be playing a few new songs, along with all the old classics. Maybe we'll even bring back the plunger game, if you guys promise to behave.
They're not selling any advance tickets to the show, so get there early. Quite a few folks were shut out of our last gig. Don't let this happen to you! We're damned popular, and the Clermont isn't any bigger than 529. To get into the show, all you need is $7, two condoms, and a brandy snifter full of green M & M's. See you there!
PS - There's been a lot of discussion about this on our message board, and we just want to set the record straight. We prefer our female fans to wear bras with front clasps. I don't know who decided bras should fasten in the back, but it wasn't a 15 year old boy, I can tell you that much.